CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.  
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.  P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.  
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.  
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. 
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.   
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. 
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.   
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

(contributed by my friend - Alok Maheshwary from London) 

 

The RBI is perplexed with the huge amount of circulation of fake currency notes. The newspapers yesterday carried a story that RBI intends to involve students after the board exams. I wonder was has happened to even to those pea-sized brains. What would the poor students do? All that the RBI needs to do is to demonetize all currency notes above Rs.100. If you need to do a bigger transaction do it via banking channels. It’s safer and convenient provided the money is not ill-gotten. Counterfeiting technologies would become so cheap in the future that one would be able to print a $1000 bill for $1.

 

Somebody needs to tell the government that they need to give anti-corruption classes to students. Catch them young and tell them that ill-gotten money only gets to rotten in Swiss banks. You can’t even use it buy a house in your name. Once the need for paper money is finished, fake currency notes would be finished, and the poor students won’t have to take lessons from RBI. Hope somebody is listening.